Good morning

It took me an hour and a half to get to work today because the interstate was blocked off while the state police rounded up pigs.

I really don't think there is anything to add to that.

Pigs. On the interstate.

Really a lot of nothing

People in the fashion industry must have some seriously weird senses of humor.

Exhibit 1. Its 100 degrees here, already, and I cannot find a dress anywhere that isn't 80 lbs of polyester heat stroke on a hanger.

Exhibit 2. I cannot find any shorts that are work appropriate that are not made out of WOOL. What is the purpose of wool shorts, exactly?

Exhibit 3. Why are there shoes that look like sneakers with 5 inch spike heels? What is the appropriate occassion for these? Where does one need to be going to think, "its too casual for heels, its too formal for sneakers...I know! High heeled sneakers!"

Exhibit 4. Harem pants. Harem. Pants. HAREM PANTS.

Exhibit 5. Does anyone actually look good in a drop waist? Or in those pants that double as a support garment? Am I the only one who looks like Urkel in those?

Seriously. I had a very difficult time finding a garment I could put on my body yesterday without wanting to shake my fist at the sky and demand, "Why, God, WHY?!?!?" And yet. Somewhere out there is a girl in a pair of jeans that come up to her armpits, her high heeled sneakers, and some ridiculously complicated shirt. And she is thinking, "Finally, the fashion industry got some sense.

Okay, I don't know what this post is really about, but I'm sick of looking at the last one. Also, the Geico lady called me to inform me Geico was closing the claim and not paying the woman anything because another insurance company is covering it. But then she said, "Do you know this woman?" And I said no, I'd never even talked to the woman, not even at the accident scene. Apparently, the woman was IRATE and determined that Geico was going to pay her. She threatened to get a lawyer and everything. Which...the other company is paying out, so why does it have to be my insurance? But whatever. Far as I know its all over and done.

Pardon my French. Seriously, this post contains strong language that may be offensive to some viewers.

You will recall that I recently had a car accident in which a gentleman hit me and then I hit a bus. That is the story, and that is the whole story. That's the story all parties involved told at the time.

The lying-ass bitch-faced whore of a bus driver is trying to claim that I hit the bus first and then the truck hit me. Fuck a bunch of that.

I know that people will try to take advantage of a situation, any way they can. I KNOW that. But it still pisses me off when people try to screw me over by lying and cheating. Especially when I WAS honest. To the point that I had to pay a fine because I ADMITTED to not wearing my seatbelt at the time of the collision. And in her situation, she had nothing to lose by telling the truth. I lost $60.00. That hurt. She didn't lose anything. Besides which, she DID originally tell the truth. Its in the police report that was taken on the scene. A MONTH later she decides to change the story.

All I can say is that that douchebag pile of shit can kiss my ass.

KISS MY ASS.

OK. I'm better now. Please forgive the cussing, its how you know I'm angry.

So over it

I am so sick of hearing about how persecuted Christians are. In a country that is mostly made up of people claiming to be Christians. Get off it, people. Unless someone is planning to put your head on a stick or use you as a human torch because of your faith, you're not persecuted.

If Miss California really was de-crowned because of the whole not believing in gay marriage thing, that sucks. Because while I completely disagree with her, I do respect her honesty and her right to free speech. But that is not persecution. They didn't stone her or throw her to the lions. She doesn't have to sneak to church on Sunday. She wasn't silenced, she got to say what she wanted and she still is.

Free speech comes with consequences. Ask John Lennon or Johnny Rocket.

Night of the Living Yuppies

So I had to drive to a place 45 minutes away, but I got an excellent deal on a used Volvo. No payment or anything, and the car is in great shape. And now I'd really like to go back to the place where they wanted to charge me $7,500.00 for a 2002 FORD TAURUS of all things (the car that reminds me of a rolling suppository), and where they told me I wouldn't be able to find anything much lower than that, and totally give them the finger.

Except that wouldn't be very Christian of me.

So, anyway, I have a car that is nicer than my old car and is really, really, really fun to drive. I know they kind of have a soccer mom-y, yuppie, status symbolly kind of reputation, but that sucker can HAUL.

So, we're all good here. I mean, I do sort of compulsively check under the seats for pods, but other than that, we're good.

Do you think it would help if I begged?

I thought we were supposed to be in an economic crisis. I thought people would just be dying to sell me a car. Maybe I didn't think they would follow me around trying to underbid each other (well, maybe I kinda thought that), but I thought for sure someone would at least want me to look at their car and try to talk me into buying it.

No one wants to sell me a car.

If I lived anywhere near a place with reliable public transportation I'd be all over taking the money and not getting a car. Unfortunately, that's not an option.

I hate car shopping.

I love you

So, Tuesday I hit a bus. Well, actually, I was slammed into a bus, but toe-may-toe, toe-mah-toe.

So, I hit the bus. My glasses went flying off my face and have never been recovered. My neck hurts, my ass hurts (that was some major clenching, let me tell you), and I have clearly suffered brain damage.

I called my husband from the scene and said, "Hey, honey, I just hit a bus, but I'm fine...no you don't need to come get me...I'll see you tonight. I love you." Luckily, my husband knows I am missing the panic gene and came anyway (once, when the oven caught on fire, he totally missed it because I said, "Hey, the oven's on fire." Just like that. Then I put out the fire.)

Today is my first day back to work, and I just told one of the truckers that I love him. That can't be going anywhere good.